He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
