Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
