Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You ruined the universe
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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