I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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