well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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