Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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