oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
