I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
