she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
