I got chris browned last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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