that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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