I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
