fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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