ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
