I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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