every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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