how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
