Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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