Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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