You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
