I hate your face
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
