Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
