I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
