It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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