Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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