So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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