omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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