i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
