There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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