There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
