I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
