So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
