Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
