U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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