You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
