I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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