Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
