u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
