Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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