no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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