You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
