U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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