So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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