Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
