connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
