Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
