He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize