reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
