It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
