there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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