didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
