gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
