i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
