You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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