I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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