Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
