ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sorry my hands just texted you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
