he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
