You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
