I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Watching her eat just hurts me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
