Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
