Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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