I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
