i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
