Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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