Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
