I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
