Moan for me like Helen Keller
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
