He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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