Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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