Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
