why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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