you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My vagina just recognized that song.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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