Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I will pee on everything he values.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
