The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
