You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
