I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
