Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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