Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
