Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
