On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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