I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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