I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
