remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
