I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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